I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
Con: they had to cauterize my wound twice. Pro: The docs agreed I'll be able to get really drunk tonight since I've lost so much blood.
sound pretty economical
I wish I had a waterproof laptop so that I would watch porn in the shower.
you have no idea how wierd it is to get nudes while talking to grandma
She gave me a handjob while eating a mcdouble with mayo on the way home from the bars at 2 in the morning. Car was full of people. This could be forever
It's 9am. I'm four lines ahead of you already. Wake up.
So what's going on?
We hit boys town to get stupid. I mean invading Iraq stupid.
I don't know but this 12 year old kid is soaking up all of our bad morals like a super tampon on the second day of my period
Oh! You were the one walking around cradling the bottle of Fireball all night!
I saved a note for myself but all it said was "am I a slutty Holden Caulfield?"
You know the sex was rough when you wake up with a chipped tooth. I have no regrets
Apparently I bought a laptop last night, then gave the laptop to a friend who was going to give it to her friends' friend to put some cool shit on it. Anyway, I have no idea where my new laptop is now.
he came with me to get plan b but they didn't have any. when I started crying he said "come on it's not that bad.. ill go get sandwiches from the vending machine and we'll have our first meal together as a family"
What are you feeling right now?
Idk. I just flashed a porch 🤷🏼♀️
So not in the best place to do an emotional inventory
On the good side I got hit on by a cute college guy. But the bad side was having sex in a frat house for first time in 9 years
Randomize
