I was staring at you from my window across the quad. I wanted to let you know so it's not creepy
I consider it a successful poop when you only have to wipe once.
She just used a chaser for red wine.
he thought he was parachuting out of a plane... talk about a bad trip.
I just looked at the guy in the car next to me and he was wearing a divers mask. We just nodded cause we both understood.
I have pictures of you scratching against the sliding glass door on your knees screaming how you felt like a lamb.
I told him if I was pregnant we were coming out to the people at work, because I'm not pretending to get knocked up by an imaginary boyfriend.
That man gives me hope. I can't help it. And by "hope" I mean "wood."
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
So his shoes are still here. And there are three contacts in a case. And a shirt on the bed. I've checked my dorm and he's not here. I'm so confused.
Hey don't blame me, picking what flavor of condom to put on my dick is a very difficult selection process
I didn't want to fight, I just wanted to tell you to fuckoff.
Every time Brady gets sacked I cum a little...
“before I show up tits a blazing, what’s the sexual temperature here?“
I would totally suck a dick for some poutine right now
Randomize
