im drinking this country out of the recession.
you took a scissor and started screaming "I WANNA KNOW WHAT ITS LIKE TO BE BALD"
i would only ever fuck harry potter if he was on a broomstick.
I'm drinking whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
I feel like you pissing on my ping pong table isn't something to be proud of.
He probably smells like baby powder and sexual identity crisis.
Just so you know you don't have to worry about me picking up any guys tonight. The Hilton is hosting guests from the North American Gay Volleyball Association and the Comic Palooza
Theres a guy in your room wearing a franzi box costume and some girl is in the box giving him head.
would it be mean if I put better with the lights off on my sex playlist just for my hook up with him?
im so proud of her that she got shit faced finally. This must be what it feels like to see you kids get their diploma or some shit.
Well I don't think you can suck his dick while he's making pizza. I think that goes against some health codes.
All I ever do is give guys anxiety problems and flaccid penises.
Dude you literally tried to cook your phone in the microwave. You were so wasted you asked your mom to help you turn it on.
I woke up only wearing a Breaking Bad "Los Pollos Hermanos" apron he got from Loot Crate next to a 3 empty bottles of Zima,Jolly Ranchers, and a jar of coconut oil. Fernet is one hell of a party starter
I'm only texting you this bc god forbid circumstances change when you wake up but currently santa is asleep on top of the washer and dryer.
Randomize
