It was so good the neighbors even had a cigarette.
She's trying to master eating with her feet. She said it was be she "always has to be prepared."
and now there are teeth marks on my dick.
high enough to want to lick peanut butter off of Michael Buble's vocal chords as he serenades me.
My legs have surpassed "hairy" and entered the territory of "furry". Maybe I should just suck it up and shave already
No now I'm curious!
Just saw a guy with two baby turtles sneaking into the building
He is really real. Like I know where he works, have referenced him with mutual fb friends and I've seen his dick. He's real.
I was at the pharmacy picking up my herpes medication and the pharmacist asked if I had any questions about my medicine, looked at the bottle, and laughed. Insult to injury man.
Literally just had a girl put her street name into my phone. Yeah.
This is what happens when you leave: I get all vulnerable and I make out with the cowboy to shut him up about Jesus.
I maxed out my credit card last night on powdered donuts and beef jerky
It's three am. I'm drunk in a stairwell in Vegas. My flight leaves at six. Help.
Your friend was nice but you didn't have to bang her in my kitchen...just sayin.
Ohhhhhh, that night......I need to stop drinking, almost all of my conversations that take place Wed thru Sun after 8:30 are one blurry haze.
Fuck you, i'm all jacked up on bananas lets go somewhere
Randomize
