Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
just went to get groceries. a cashier said she saw me last night. i guess i carried a broom back from the party and swept the street the whole walk back...and i claimed to be in the cast of wicked
I'm giving you permission to use the abortion money to pay for your DUI.
She is totally STD
Is it a bad omen that my phone auto corrects dtf to STD
just had cupcakes and mountain dew for dinner-now i'm playing super mario brothers. 10 year olds all over the world would kill to be me.
I wonder if he just picks random boners to send or just the realy impressive ones
Just sold a bike on craig's list for 4 four lokos and a 40. How bad do you miss college?
we were bear claw grabbing his crotch in the middle of the bar yelling prominent ridge over and over.
Under no circumstances is it ok to do naked cartwheels in front of anyone. i don't care how much ecstasy you took
I just need three more girls to complete my 'Freak-a-leak' bang list. Know any girls named Zahra, Shavon, or Daronda?
He said it. He actually said "yes it's in".
You need to stop me from lighting my hand on fire next time we're working
I just really hate taking care of things... If I can't fill it with liquor I'm not sure what to do with it.
You okay? Last night you climbed through my window and demanded I take shots with you and when I refused you took a piss in my front yard.
that's your fault. you refused to take shots with me.
It's weird having sex with someone you actually like
Randomize
