plz talk dirty to me
It's a miracle Ok Typing texts toYou right now
I looooooove Saturdays!!!!!!!
I am absolutely hammered
I wish we could go back in time and find our best farts ever
Just woke up on a couch in the FIJI house with 2 missed calls from someone I saved in my phone as "Some DU Kid Named TJ Maybe"
you make me proud to be your friend
What kind of friend are you? You don't even blackout anymore.
Oh shit. The kids are pole dancing on a broom. It's like I'm seeing my future offspring before my eyes.
Why Weren't you wearing pants?
because pants are for people with no imagination
Because its Monday... And I'm determined to just be drunk for the rest of the semester
I have a fever. Last thing I need to do tonight is be elbow deep in old lady pussy.
I've never had sex with me but I assume there are worse ways to be woken up.
Might be using my graduation money to pay for an abortion.
May the power of my ass compel you!!
We can't do acid Disneyworld.
Yes. I'm realizing that sports games are good reasons to drink. I just cheer when everyone else cheers.
You stocked up?
No actually didn’t get a chance. If you wouldn’t mind bringing me a brownie and a bottle of Jameson that’d be nice
Randomize
