Just so you know, coffee creamer+water does not = milk.
There is a semi-attractive guy at the door who's looking for you. Says he met you on Chatroulette. Start explaining NOW.
The fact that he is from Canada is way more embarrassing than the fact that you met him on match.com
Managed to discreetly puke out of a moving streetcar window, in front of no less than a dozen people. Nobody saw/said anything. I feel like a legit local now.
Ye. Looking like it's about to be one of those mythical responsible weekends
nothing like a call from your drunk grandpa at midnight on a wednesday to ask your parents if you're registered to vote...
Babe.. You are farting in your sleep and it literally smells like something crawled up your asshole and died.. I'm gagging and I feel like I'm eating your fart right now. I want to tape your ass cheeks shut and plug up that canon you call your ass. All I hear is snores and farts.. You are lucky I love you
Just skate-of-shamed, shirtless, with a bucket or margaritas. Good luck beating that one.
Literally got mad at him this morning because we didn't have time to have sex for a third time. I think I'm getting greedy.
There's always a silver lining when massive voluptuous tits are involved
I've spent my afternoon dipping strawberries in DayQuil if that's any indication of where I'm at in life.
he was snoring so I have him a bj to wake him up and then told him he had to leave.
Oh my God it's like my cock was dipped in lava
And by "sexually intimate," you mean fuck buddies?
Lol. I liked you the most when we were banging random girls and trying to tag team everything. You were happier then.
Randomize
