You're my favorite asian/girl I've met here.
You're ridiculous
Your hot
she came over and started getting naked and said its not like i came over to just hang out
youve hit the jackpot
i'm going to be one of those im-wearing-a-shirt-as-a-dress girls today. dont make fun of me, i need laid
John stretched a condom over his face and tried to puke in it.
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she got kicked out of the bar for shoving german chocolate cake in the bartenders face. we were there less than a minute
Think of where it's been though. That Dr. Suess book, "Oh the Places You'll go" was written for his penis.
Just managed to stab myself in the ass with a fork. I feel that as my best friend, I'm obligated by friend code to inform you of that sort of thing.
A guy in a banana suit just got the whole bus to participate in a call and response version of Bohemian Rhapsody. HERO
I have straight up perfected the art of amazing manicures with shaky-as-fuck adderall hands. Also, I'm way too proud of this.
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Whoever roofied me last night owes me a new pair of white jeans
Because everytime she talks to you she goes in her room and plays Come Sail Away on repeat. Can't take this shit anymore Jake
I woke up with my earring stuck inbetween my tits. Somehow you fucked my earring out and my boobs saved it. I'm pretty impressed with both of us right now.
he was definitely tindering while i gave him head
I woke up at her place in a kids bed hearing Sesame Street. She doesn't have kids!
I was so drunk I asked my mom if she had always been my mom or if it was someone else for a while
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