At a bar where three women in denim shorts are debating techniques and skillsets for wrangling goats. You stay classy Delaware.
Discovered the coffee filter hasn't been changed in a while. I believe the mold has hypnotic properties. Would try it again, but coffee vomit is not pleasant.
just bought a $25 eighth from a chick who has a kid. i'm helping my community out right?
Pregnancy confirmed. Complete emotional instability achieved. I just cried through 95% of Avatar.
It’s A Miracle These 21 Promiscuous People Don’t Have STDs
Just saw a bouncer shoot a stripper with a squirt gun. He looked at me n said,"gotta keep em in check." I'm in love with this place
PRINCE HARRY WAS AT WAL MART SO NEXT TIME YOU BITCH ABOUT GOING TO WAL MART REMEMBER THAT EVEN PRINCE HARRY GOES TO WAL MART.
can't decide if i look like a hooker or a missing member of Poison today
a pizza costume came into my possession last night. needless to say i showed up to his house wearing only the pizza, shouting "delivery" into his window.
sometimes when you're high at work you just have to say fuck it and eat the dog treats
These 27 Infuriatingly Annoying Habits Will Ruin Your Day
He referred to our sex as being similar to "Two cheetahs cage fighting" and I have to agree.
WHY WERE YOU COOKING NAKED?
WHY WERE YOU SLEEPING ON MY COUCH?
So I spent all night thinking my bed was floating down a river and telling the cats to get on the bed because they were going to float away. Percocet is strong shit.
Do I need to call and sing lullabies? Because that's creepy, but I'm a really good friend.
I don't care what you say about him, his cock is the stuff dreams are made of.
You went to pound town last night and chow town this morning. Boy you need a passport.