Texts From Last Night

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  (201): View more from New Jersey

  Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.

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  (201): Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice. http://tfl.nu/k20h
  Replies (76) Good night (861) Bad night (7512)
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  (251): View more from Alabama

  but she was nice to me.

  (256): View more from Alabama

  She was a fuckin STRIPPER.

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  (251): but she was nice to me. (256): She was a fuckin STRIPPER. http://tfl.nu/n11b
  Replies (25) Good night (2690) Bad night (3952)
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  (865): View more from Tennessee

  he looked upset that i wasn't completely shaven. i reminded him he had begged. and beggars can't be choosers.

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  (865): he looked upset that i wasn't completely shaven. i reminded him he had begged. and beggars can't be choosers. http://tfl.nu/fhwb
  Replies (48) Good night (5424) Bad night (1064)
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  (720): View more from Colorado

  i dont know why he would complain when i touch him there.

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  (720): i dont know why he would complain when i touch him there. http://tfl.nu/dzaj
  Replies (22) Good night (670) Bad night (3436)
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  (215): View more from Pennsylvania

  I puked in the revolving door and had to sit down on the escalator. That hungover. It's safe to say people are judging me.

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  (215): I puked in the revolving door and had to sit down on the escalator. That hungover. It's safe to say people are judging me. http://tfl.nu/0b6p
  Replies (6) Good night (3378) Bad night (1297)
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  (925): View more from California

  First drunken handjob: not successful. Second handjob, mostly sober: much better. Nightly news brought to you by me.

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  (925): First drunken handjob: not successful. Second handjob, mostly sober: much better. Nightly news brought to you by me. http://tfl.nu/pldx
  Replies (14) Good night (2718) Bad night (930)
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  (724): View more from Pennsylvania

  This might sound awkward, but can I borrow a dildo for class?

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  (724): This might sound awkward, but can I borrow a dildo for class? http://tfl.nu/x3em
  Replies (12) Good night (3780) Bad night (1148)
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  (631): View more from New York

  his mom cheated on his dad so i think he has a weird freudian thing for whores

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  (631): his mom cheated on his dad so i think he has a weird freudian thing for whores http://tfl.nu/t2gu
  Replies (6) Good night (2310) Bad night (1604)
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  (317): View more from Indiana

  I honestly don't know if ill make it through the next two hours. The hangover is strong with this one.

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  (317): I honestly don't know if ill make it through the next two hours. The hangover is strong with this one. http://tfl.nu/jdn1
  Replies (6) Good night (1556) Bad night (808)
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  (718): View more from New York

  Well it's a moot point because I did have a sink & I peed in it.

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  (718): Well it's a moot point because I did have a sink & I peed in it. http://tfl.nu/l6st
  Replies (5) Good night (984) Bad night (672)
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  (580): View more from Oklahoma

  My penis just literally said "Yaaaaaay!!!" It's the first time it's spoken out loud. Before this we could only communicate through rudimentary sign language

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  (580): My penis just literally said "Yaaaaaay!!!" It's the first time it's spoken out loud. Before this we could only communicate through rudimentary sign language http://tfl.nu/nvb4
  Replies (4) Good night (1822) Bad night (696)
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  (406): View more from Montana

  She said we couldnt stop drinking until there were enough bottles to make a fort. so we could have sex in our "bottle castle"

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  (406): She said we couldnt stop drinking until there were enough bottles to make a fort. so we could have sex in our "bottle castle" http://tfl.nu/6pb6
  Replies (6) Good night (2081) Bad night (535)
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  (254): View more from Texas

  It makes showers more interesting trying to drink a gin and tonic and keep soap out of my eyes at the same time.

  (214): View more from Texas

  You need to calm down.

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  (254): It makes showers more interesting trying to drink a gin and tonic and keep soap out of my eyes at the same time. (214): You need to calm down. http://tfl.nu/qlou
  Replies (1) Good night (838) Bad night (398)
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  (765): View more from Indiana

  Just do it. I grew some lady balls and did it last year. It's your turn. Time to show what you're made of. Hit it or quit it.

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  (765): Just do it. I grew some lady balls and did it last year. It's your turn. Time to show what you're made of. Hit it or quit it. http://tfl.nu/ilaz
  Replies (0) Good night (660) Bad night (330)
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  (248): View more from Michigan

  Let's put a bunch of beers in a backpack and shotgun them in a Red Lobster bathroom

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  (248): Let's put a bunch of beers in a backpack and shotgun them in a Red Lobster bathroom http://tfl.nu/b9b7
  Replies (1) Good night (545) Bad night (267)

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