You're perfectly engineered for doggy style
My RA just tried to write me up for having sex too loudly during quiet hours.
Woke up wearing just a scarf, the holidays are definetly here
Her vagina is like Vegas. high traffic and full of glitter.
People Are Arguing Over This Guy’s Petty Reaction To Splitting Lunch With His Co-Worker
Theres a dude at this concert at the urinal double fisting beers, taking drinks from both while simultaneously pissing euerywhere. He is my hero
Apparently I told his new girlfriend to stop swallowing because she's getting fat. Oh, and I yelled this across a large room
My last two google searches are "shiny things" and "Ohio consent laws." you should visit more often.
I actually took a sword out of your hands. You were samurai slashing lemons to make chasers.
The 4th is next week. If we don't get to a new level of high, we will be letting down George Washington.
Girl Logs Into Twitter Only To Find Out Her Dad Is Trending For The Most Outrageous Reason
I'm surprised I don't have a permanent face imprint between my boobs.
The landlord wasn't even off the porch yet and she was packing a bowl, I can't imagine a better best friend
I should come with a warning like "do not feed me tequila or cocaine, I will ruin the party and cry"
Remember when you tried to talk but you could only count by 2s?
After we finished having phone sex he proceeded to serenade me with Ave Maria. It was magical.
I'm just down here gazing up into your ivory tower of nudes