it's like everything I expected to see tonight all put together in one at once
that is the greatest description ever
Note to all middle aged "I totally let myself go after childbirth" frumpy mothers: I do not dress this way for your husbands. Stop looking at me like that. It's not my fault.
imagine if the morning after your status automatically updated with the name of the person you hooked up with
You told him your wedding ring was part of your costume. not okay!!
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He came up to me muttering about the pills on the bathroom floor... I found him an hour and a half later trying to take naked photos of himself with an alarm clock...
Slept on the counter again. Mom covered me in an apron.
All I know is that we apparently made a drink we named The Single Girl which is rum, vodka, grain alcohol, and sprite and rolled around in the backyard.
Someone apparently named 'eleaw' just text me asking if I had fun last night.
Just made macaroni burritos. Fukkin awesome. We'll have to try this when I'm sober.,!
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Normal vaginal pH: 3.8 to 4.5. Of course it tastes like a 9-volt. I could run a potato clock on that thing.
he got everyone in a room, turned off the lights and started throwing knives at the wall. if you got hit, you had to drink...
I feel like we have both made good decisions regarding our vaginas lately
The only thing about him that I appreciated was that he destroyed the bathroom at your birthday and missed singing to you. And we all knew.
You can't just drop that I might be walking into a foursome and leave it at that
Well drunk me was looking out for sober me again, hid the beer and bought another case for me