The maid of honor just puked.
I plan on putting pajamas back on after I shower. Today is going to be awesome.
Just saw actual Chinese people doing a Chinese firedrill. Good day.
Lets just fuck. We'll decide if it was makeup or breakup sex after.
I want him in the "you're a terrible idea and are probably going to get me killed by my parents, my siblings, and my boyfriend" way
Btw: some husbands are not impressed by me trying to snap photos of their wives camel toe.
He ordered three small pizzas while I was giving him head.
Um went out in San Francisco last night and ignored someone hitting on me. So they bit my arm. Lmfao PLEASE TELL ME THIS ISNT THE SINGLE LIFE
"What's your dick like homie" is not really an acceptable thing to say out loud
Jesus Christ. Even your cock has to be an overachiever. :-(
Can we talk about how i drunkenly changed the timezone on my phone last night and just showed up to work an hour early
If we were teenagers we would intentionally be trying to burn down this historic landmark
honestly, you deserve someone taller anyways
can we fuck so we can live up to our nicknames for eachother?
What's that? Is there a bottle of Jack calling me? I think so...
Randomize
