I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
I just jerked off and used a stopwatch to track my results. Pretty depressing on multiple fronts.
His mom just described him as a manipulative, deceitful bastard -- oddly I still want him
I want to see you in more than a weed delivering capacity
I seem to remember you being very disappointed that drinking Michelob Ultra didn't give you magic powers.
Finding a keg in our kitchen would be like god personally high fiving each of us.
Oh you know..Chillin with your dad.
With a fannypack full of drugs.
This means I've slept with 2 ppl that live in vans...my life is complete
I can't believe I'm giving you play by plays of this sexting convo. It's like a three way he doesn't know about.
To be honest, waking up to 20 naked people in my house was not the weirdest thing to happen to me in the past 24 hours
Just broke into a house and crawled through a window. Upside: getting laid.
I see your boobs were ready to greet the new year.
he was like tryna hang and chat and I was like dude there's an iguana in this room
Was that you calling me at 4am asking to borrow a rubber ducky and a tampon?
Unless it has to do with ramen, goldfish, cheese, or rugby, don't talk to me.
Randomize
