i dont know you, but i just did a line with your business card.
I couldn't remember if it was hamsters or Iraq that you hated. I'm so sorry.
Just walked by a group of guys calling out walks of shame with a mega phone from their front porch.
The doctor wrote 'condom retrieval' on my discharge paper.
answer the phone. i thought i was eating cheese but it was butter. i ate a lot of it.
I tried telling you she just blew me in the bathroom but you were too busy making out with her to listen
he doesn't drink and he's an emt - he'll be our dd for nye in exchange for a threesome tomorrow afternoon.
You fell on your face and the waitress just brought you a fresh drink
We made a water bong out of a wine bottle... Being an architect major finally payed off.
Drinking Hot Toddies on the Porch and blasting bob dylans "hurricane" bring it on sandy!
You should have thought about how you were going to treat me before having me take photos of your asshole.
Seriously, I look like I crawled out of a bog. Succeeding at being as undateable as possible.
You fell asleep on the toilet and he was like uh should I take her off?
She made me undress her with my teeth...explains the button in my shit this morning...
Having sex with him is like yoga. I do it in the morning and then can't walk for three days afterwards.
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