I was high enough to think chocolate sauce on bagel bites was a good idea
My 10 year old son gave me a bottle of jameson for fathers day. Did you have something to do with this?
You made a list of reasons why you should be on fear factor. You came up with 2 reasons: "I like fear" and "I am fear"
He's only a little bit crosseyed.
I think this is one situation where "a little bit" doesn't mean much.
He came to my house drunk at two a.m., got in the hot tub, refused to get out until he smoked a blunt, and said "That's what brothers and sisters are for."
Just did a keg stand the dropped my phone in the toilet. Sorry for partying.
You did a keg stand on the toilet?!
looking at my texts from you makes me want to throw up in my pants
Life Lesson #1 of 2013: double-fisting shower beers and shaving my bikini line should be reserved for two different showers.
i just had to pick up my 18 year old cousin from the police station for hosting a party, and i had to do this stoned wow
The trash can in my living room is full of Popsicle sticks and my vibrator has taken up permanent residence on my coffee table. I'm not doing anything productive. Clearly.
I just stole a bunch of balloons from a birthday party and am giving one to each person at the bar.
Wait, there's no way I said I would suck his dick. I know drunk Katie.
No, you told him to suck YOUR dick.
See now that sounds like drunk Katie.
And thank god for autocorrect cuz I can't even think in English let alone spell in it right now.
Have you ever been anal in a bush on the Vegas strip drunk?
I'm sorry you had to knock him out on your birthday. But that also means I won the bet that you'd hit someone so you owe me 40. dollars
Randomize
