She was really sick last night--but i was too drunk to bring her chicken noodle soup after the bar, so went by taco bell and got her a chicken burrito instead
i have no feeling in my penis or fingers but i think it was worth it
When I woke up I had three missed calls from the name 'dream krystals'.... If I remember correctly she was the lady at the drive thru at Krystals and her name was Dream.. She wanted to come to the strip club with us... Do you remember?
What a great world we live in when USPS can tell you that your drugs have been delivered.
Hey we need to step our game up. Dad has us beat; he stole a vending machine once.
He kept telling me that something was trying to enter this dimension from another universe through his spine...
It's surprise blowjob week. You should be excited.
Don't send the creepy guy a picture of your penis. That's my Christmas wish
This guy at the airport was telling me 3/4 dudes in his group got rufied at some strip club. One guy woke up in the hospital, another found himself in a random parking garage, the other got back to the room and they all shit their pants. Go Vegas.
Got it in all night, now at a bar at 730 am and we are the only two people here. Somewhere my mid twenties father is applauding me.
i came outside and he was eating her out on my lawn. i refuse to pick up the dog shit in my yard so i hope he chose the spot wisely
I think tonight's gonna be the night I wear a go pro while trippin on acid
my bed is a shrine, and I am its goddess.
There's a dryer on fire at the laundromat, and everyone's just standing around taking pictures. Except me. I'm texting.
When we found you, you were half crying/half singing Taylor swift songs at 2am in the bathroom, and occasionally puking. I think I get "friend of the year" award just for putting up with your drunk ass all night.
Randomize
