Funniest shit happened at the grocery store. This kid kept asking his mom for candy over and over and she told him 'daddy said no' and he screamed 'he isn't my dad' so loud everyone in the store was silent it was awesome.
Not only do prius' look terrible they are terrible to have sex in
I'm such a slut...i kept having sex with him after he called me his ex gf's name. I just felt like i deserved something out of it too.
walked into class wearing my zorro costume. some girl just said "oh my god, i fucked zorro this weekend." I found her.
I usually just read books and meditate to an aquatic soundtrack of sea walrus's mating. But ill choose coors light instead
they paper machayed me.
i told you ... never pass out drinking with preschool teachers.
I'm working on finding a bottomless situation. Both pants and mimosas.
Are you still going to come over for your post Alcoholics Anonymous beer?
Well, I'm hung over and my penis hurts - two signs of success
We just broke my bed mid-sex, laughed, then continued. If that isn't true love I don't know what is.
I may or may not have hooked up with the cop who arrested me.. Or I can cross hooking up with a stripper in a cop outfit off my bucket list.
Most tragic bathtub-fart of all time. I am going to be late.
I'm upset for all the future generations who can't drunkenly get cheesy bread
Just went to Meijer. Purchased furnace filters, fishing line, red lipstick and pregnancy test. And if my purchase alone wasn't classy enough, I took the pregnancy test in the Meijer bathroom because Im on my way to the bar and wanted to know if that was a good idea or not. Cheers to no babies!
Now I know Sunday Funday means fucking till you loose your voice.
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