Have you ever noticed every guy named Shaant has scene hair and date girls with racoons stripes in theirs
His name should be shouldn't
his logic is that since hes already cheated on her w me its doesnt count
found the other keg... it's in the tree
that shit musta been laced I laughed for two hours and everyone looked like penguins
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
I have mastered the 3 minute room cleaning drill in preparation for the nights possible slam-piece
I just got attacked by a swarm of butterflies. Nothing is okay anymore.
He let me finish eating my sandwich while I sat his face. I think I'm in love with this little eager beaver.
You don't know reunion panic until you've exfoliated your butt cheeks.
Never admit to being cold at those things. That is how you end up waking up the next morning naked under animal pelts... or so I have heard.
I would say don't do anything I wouldn't do, but we both know I forget about my personal safely when getting laid is on the line
if having to see my ex’s dick once in a while is the price I pay to the universe for making my life go a little smoother, I’ll take it
I mean she's doing calculus in her head to prove how NOT drunk she is.
Gotta say, self-deprecating Lord of the Rings-themed sex jokes were not on my agenda for today.
I think I broke my dick but 10/10 would definitely do it again.
Randomize
