i got pulled over in my 'cops love me' tshirt. he didn't think it was funny when i pointed it out.
Stole every fake plant from the lobby and placed it in front of you're apartment door, Enjoy!
I just sniffled when I woke up and got a bump of coke. I have never felt so good hung over.
HE'S turngign 18teen real soon.k
Check 'smoke weed with our ihop waiter' off of our To-Do List
My phone autocorrects "pooping" to "popping" and I'm like DO YOU EVEN KNOW ME??!
i thought you were just a really comfy body pillow until i sobered up. oops.
Aside from the possibility of pregnancy, I'm going to call last night a raging success.
my balls were so many shades of blue last night I could have used them as paint and replicated the entirety of Picaso's blue period. The girl was an art major I feel like this metaphor is appropriate.
You left a bit of molly on the table and my mom found it. She asked what it was, I said "not drugs"
She believed me because "leaving that much behind on the table would be a waste so obviously it's not drugs."
she's p upset bro
Where is he. I have a sword.
Double check your contract and see if it says anything about sleeping with your manager
Fuck you and your fucking taquito's.
Just puked in a cup. Poured it out the window.
I lost my wolf penis dildo in my garage. I should probably find it before I resume my garage sale tomorrow...
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