how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
Decided against hooking up with creepy stalker guy for a ride to work. I feel I've earned a few self respect points back.
Been in the ER for 3 hours now. This hospitals transition to paperless is not going well. But my doctor looks like Elton John and just gave me percocet
New carpet is nice. I'm making carpet angels. Like a fresh snowfall.
if all that ever happens for the rest of forever is drinking wine and eating popcorn, ill be okay
Question: If I got in a car accident and lost my memory of us, would you work your way back just so we could be fuck buddies again?
I'm watching The Vow and just need to know that I'm loved in some way
I don't know how I'm going to know it's her, I only know what she looks like with a wig on
SHE COULD ALREADY BE HERE AND I WOULDN'T EVEN KNOW
We watched scrubs, then I got a shower blowjob which led to shower sex and the living room floor sex. Now she's baking cookies. I may not be studying, but I'm doing something right.
She asked if she should pack the condoms, I told her I plan on drinking so much that it won't be possible.
should i save it for someone special or be a feminist and be like "my vagina doesnt define me"
Like how hard is it to come up to me with chocolate and wine and say "hey, you're beautiful. Wanna marathon Doctor Who in sweatpants?" Hell yes!
sexting while watching Peter Pan the Musical! something just doesn't seem right here
A girl in McDonalds just asked if I was in here wasted a few nights ago throwing fries at the staff, I said it was my twin
We both know that wasn't me
they just got in argument over who had more of your dick pics. quit sending shit to my sisters fucker
Haha word. Sure I can do that. Help me find which bar has my pants and you'll get free tacos all week
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