I feel bad for the person that has to clean the dishes that I peed on last night.
i actually just woke up with a lampshade on my head. god damn cliches.
Let's make jello shots for tomorrow
What's going on tomorrow?
Nothing, it's Wednesday
Do you think it would be a good idea to mention in my admissions essay that I was the guy that streaked across the soccer field last year?
new girl just came onto the hall stumbling drunk with no shoes on and the guy who brought her doesn't have them either
He asked me to coffee and I had no choice but to be honest. So naturally I told him that sobriety and monogomy are not two of my strong suits.
she asked to have her picture taken with every guy we walked by.
One reason I feel like garbage: Kraft single wine shots
there's still three solo cups of your puke in my basement. so that needs to be solved at some point.
that's the best thing i've ever said to a penis
I told him that if he cleaned the bathroom, I'd blow him. You could eat off the toilet. Seriously, get over here. This is the cleanest you'll ever see it.
Just once I'd like to go out and not have to tell you to put your pants back on.
he kissed both of us goodnight when we dropped him off...I didn't know if I was more offended or impressed
Nah, i wasn't offended. Having a bridesmaid who you had had multiple threesomes with your future husband would be weird.
Hey. I hope you have enough room in your car for me and a Honda civic front bumper.
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