honey bunches of taint.
You must have had one hell of a time explaining to that girl why aladin soundtrack was playing on repeat in your room when you got back
screw that ipod for my birthday.. i just want a weed brownie the size of my face. that's all.
Our brains have an emergency blowjob override switch. You saw proof tonight.
Everything smells like blood and olive oil.
Okay so for future reference and your own safety I should probably tell you that it is not cranberry juice in that bottle on the kitchen table.
Makes sense. My grandma just did this shot. MY FAMILY KICKS ASS.
im lying in bed trying to choke myself out because being awake hurts too much
i told her i loved her afterwards and she said "i know," kissed me, and got up to start making breakfast.
dude, she han solo'd you. keep her.
All the drunken hookups over the last year are self destructing, at least something is keeping nursing school interesting
I need thought I would ever have to use the phrase "Don't fart on that Calzone".. Thanks for that
Told him I just wanted to be friends. He responded, "The best marriages are born from great friendships." Please come get me.
I made him dinner in just his cowboy hat and my boots after we did it...you should see his face :)
I really regret not asking “like a cupcake” when you asked me to eat your ass
Officially not baby mama #3. Celebration is in order.
Randomize
