i'm going to rape that little man
omg not your brother
I Bought a bracelet with bible characters and a charm broke. the virgin mary one. Do you think it's a sign?
I have one thing to say: spongebath.
I wish that wasn't all you had to say. And by that, I mean I wish you hadn't said that at all.
This martini tastes like the bartender stirred it with his foreskin.
I've been watching too much manswers. Cuz i know scissoring doesn't work on a motorcycle.
its preseason football. its like non alcoholic beer. who gives a fuck
I would also like to inform you that I can no longer lay on my back because my tailbone is bruised from the nightstand. Good job.
Last time we talked he was trying to sext me but he was including pictures of fruit
He said "just hugs" and ran away screaming.
So it may have been laced, sue me.
Stormed out of the house in frustration and now I'm in public and have to take a rage dump. Today sucks.
Who'd have thought a guy with a lisp would be so good with his tongue?
Wore a burger king crown while giving head still drunk this morning #blessed
I think I just got drunk texted by my psychiatrist
I'm sitting here drinking whisky and listening to The Wiggles, I don't need a social life
I'm not going to tell you how to live your life, which includes naming your schlong
Randomize
