The elaphant ear plant popped a new leaf ! Wahoo !
I was trying to be a bartender for my boyfriend and his friends last night, but I was too drunk so I just kept bringing them ice cubes in my hand.
Every time you blow me I should make a paper crane and we'll make them into a chain and hang them from the ceiling. And then whenever we have people over and they ask what the cranes are for I'll say "reminders" and wink at you.
that's the best thing i've ever said to a penis
At one point, he came in to give her a pep talk, and then after he left, she just kept whispering his name into the toilet between heaves.
I damn near set my vagina on fire. WHILE The Flaming Lips played in the background. Intensely apropos.
He's doing his thing where I don't know if he's alive until three in the afternoon so idk
They have a house rule that you get a composite for every 5 guys you sleep with. Where should I hang my new one?
I completely forgot about the posting of partying pics shortly after adding my gma my dad was like grandma says your all over fb but she doesn't know how to use it. Of course I'm all over her fb. She's got 6 friends I am her newsfeed
Is it bad that I recognize every dick in your dic pic collection?
IF I CANT STRIP TO SANTA BABY THEN WHY EVEN HAVE CHRISTMAS.
So who left their underwear on a lamppost in my aunt's backyard
Eat, nap, & pace yourself. Words to live by.
I’m mid 4sum and you’re sending me photos of your cat. We had very different evenings.
Stop inviting Kevin over. The dickless wonder started playing some strange Sci-FY music and speaking an alien language and the girls split.
Randomize
