is this the only place in the world where you can get shot on one side of town, and have to stop for cows crossing the street on the other side?
I won't be sarcastic... just naked
he stopped making out with me and said "can I make you grilled cheese? I feel like I owe YOU something"
Count me out. I seem to have semen induced blindness in one eye.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Birthday Treasure Hunt was to follow the clues. At each spot there was a stick on tattoo and a shot and at the end there was 2 cases of beer. I have 13 tattoos and don't remember turning 18.
I FOUND AN AUSTRALIAN THEY CALL VOMMING 'RAINBOW SNEEZING' I'M NEVER LETTING HIM LEAVE EVER
It was almost as bad as the time I peed on the floor of the Pentagon's subway station.
Dude, I'm trippin balls. For real, I thought this bag on my floor was my dog for the longest time...
I smell like cowboy sweat. I got two lap dances. This is the best day of my life!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Anyone who does not consider cereal and wine as a balanced breakfast needs to leave immediately.
I'm feeding a baby and swiping on tinder...what has my life come to?!?!
I bought two pregnancy tests and a cosmopolitan magazine at 4am... I told the cashier "dont judge me, ur not God"
Mass text: dear whatever jerk off who thinks they stole drugs from me. It was birth control. Go fuck yourself. And pray that I don't get pregnant.
Who puts their birth control in a bottle with a smiley face?!
Oh fuck wait
Is it sad that the most attractive guy I've come across in a week that's not my professor is the man doing my pedicure?
He’s basically a sexual superhero. A mild mannered marketing intern by day, but a very horny 22 year old with pornstar stamina at nights!
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