I think my guts just had a chinese fire drill
Just boiled hotdogs in bongwater. NOT a good idea.
i cant believe i hit a parked car with a pink dildo in my mouth... fuckin epic
They just sang me a song about how small my dick is in front of the whole bar
she keeps giving me cups of everbeer.. its everclear and beer mixed. i guess its blackout or backout time
she texted me out of nowhere. and I wanted to get drunk. like I didn't even have her new number until 6 hours ago and bam we were rolling around drinking cotton candy vodka from the bottle she had stuffed in a boot
I just puked so hard I pissed myself. Outta my ass. I just won hangover of the century.
I dunno. We kind of want to have a hippie communing with nature type break. But because we're such alcoholics I feel like we'll just be wasted the whole time in addition to hugging trees and shit
I can't put those talents on a resume
It turns out my English teacher used to pose for Playboy. She's an inspiration.
Don't be offended, the only thing I'm attracted to right now is snack cakes and chicken wings.
Just hooked up my fuck buddy with a job working for my dad...this can only end bad.
I just need you to appreciate that this is the first time I've ever been cut off and it's at an airport bar in Philly before 1 o'clock in the afternoon.
Good, I've got all this booze. It's intimidating to be in the room alone with it..
Sometimes I wish I could tell all my past/present hookups what the nicknames that my friends and I have assigned them.
Randomize
