I woke up this morning in a strange bed with a kid with an accent playing with my feet.
I want to be a jewelry store heckler. "Hey man, is she really worth it"
i always forget that thursday isnt the weekend in the real world
He managed to light the Jello on fire...
Every perfect package comes with a warning label.
i know this sounds kinda weird but his cock smelled like fabric softener. it was so refreshing.
We're all in the kiddie pool on the porch. Fully clothed. Watching porn. With my manager.
uhh when the x-ray tec was moving your head you licked his hand and meowed.. i think he knew you weren't sober
Well for starters, her tits were hairy.
Holy shit there is too much Taco Bell here to talk to you
I'm gonna play eenie meenie at the bar tonight because it's women's day and I deserve the dick
you were walking down the sidewalk and just puked. didnt even stop or slow down and just kept going. i was so impressed i didnt even tell anyone you threw up on passing peoples shoes.
Edible... I FEEL CLOSER TO THE UNIVERSE AND I DEF TRAVELED IN TIME. I THINK I CAN READ MINDS NOW.
My ex boyfriend just amazon primed me a vibrator...guess I seemed stressed?
I was told I was gorgeous and a whore by the drag queens. My night is complete.
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