well if you came here i would keep you awake :*
did you just kiss me??? ... dude, im not gay
well there was some sort of sex marathon going on in my house last night..jess and i vs my parents...and im ashamed to say that we lost and my parents out-sexed us
how's this sound. You, me a box of pink franzia and a night full of possibilities in your basemen. I'll be me. You be you. And we'll see where it goes
I can totally hide my daquiri in my sling.
My valentine's day: watching The Notebook, and porn, eating chocolate, and ice cream. All while jacking off.
Wow... you've managed to cover all of the sad girl stereotypes that exist.
Just gave advice in krystal burger while holding and pointing with a corona to a 3 year old, told her to enjoy her stroller time while it lasts. The mom pushed her away fast.
I knew shit got real when the pinapple was gone and people were just passing around the core and gnawing on it.
My life now consists of 2 time frames. BV before vibrator and AD after death of my sex life.
there is nothing worst than getting kicked in the face by a stripper
How could you not respond to a text containing the words "goat man" ?!?
Dude, he's legal now. You could not pry me from his dick with the jaws of life.
What drugs are we doing when you visit?
The correct answer is all the drugs because I just found out they have glow in the dark bubbles.
Hey my vagina is like a company. Everyone has an equal opportunity....
Package arrived for me from the gf while she's on vacation..under the bed bondage kit and new lingerie...my boner could drive to the airport
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
Randomize
