Let's just say there is a bloody hand print above my bed and it's not mine. Literally.
and by charming I mean he has a horse cock.
He told me he was ok to drive home. Then I found him face-planted in the parking lot.
it got awkward when she realized that our nickname for her was "The Hambeast"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You kept trying to hail an ambulance
a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
Hahahaha you would not believe what I just pulled out of my vagina. Actually you probably wouldn't be surprised.
yea, their son has been arrested on more than one occassion, their daughter is pregnant and their other daughter graduated but she was adopted, so clearly genes are everything.
Is there a special protocol when the stripper has a Boba Fett tattoo?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
we just ate hash browns in a nativity scene with baby jesus
We're snowed in with only two condoms. This will literally be valentines day russian roullette.
I snapchatted him nudes and he didn't screenshot a single one of them because he's a gentleman.
I wish my nipples were as well behaved as yours.
My roommate walked in on my inserting a tampon. Somehow, I don't think this will be improving our relationship.
should i feel bad about fucking you on my front lawn the day before you set me up with your best friend?
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