Is it bad that everytime I read or hear "Woo Hoo" I immediately think of sex because of The Sims?
Upon hearing of his newfound access to every orifice... even ones he just made up... the Grinch's penis grew three sizes that day.
Hard to imagine a reason apart from blow jobs that I'm awake at 530 am.
filled out health questionnaire for lower premiums a little bit too honestly. Literally got assigned a life coach.
So you had sex with my brother?
It sounds like you dont need me to answer that.
Screw this I'm going to go talk to her. If you hear sirens they're for me.
He just asked me if I wanted a ride on the "bologna pony." I never wanna have sex again...
I made out with drunk Joe Dirt and then put his mullet wig on for him. True Halloween romance.
The dude we met that gave us weed sent me a video of his balls covering the sun like a solar eclipse
I have jizz, in my hair. I'm sitting in class with jizz. In. My. Hair. I need to make better life choices.
FUCK WHALES
The couple in the apartment next to mine are both opera singers. I’m never sure if I’m hearing them banging or doing vocal warm-ups.
My last memory of last night was being in a laundry room doing blow and admiring a washer and dryer... I think that's the earmark of old age
Is it too much to ask for 10 minutes of privacy while I masturbate?
I'm still amazed at how you managed to get Doritos in my damn front pocket without me noticing. I got crumbs everywhere.
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