I'm so over stopping myself from talking about my sexual experiences in front of children.
Whats the name of the guy with his hand down my pants?
Only I would come home from a random banging with beer and watermelon
It's like a puppy that we have to take care of at all times or else she'll get sad, lonely, and chew on the furniture. And by 'chew on the furniture', I mean have anonymous sex.
This guy in a neck brace is ordering bottle service at the strip club. Not sure whether to applaud his commitment or scorn his addiction. It's a draw.
I'm trying to have a "pick me up from my house so I can get completely annihilated night" any takers? Cmon people this is what friends are for
I was more than drunk as hell I have rug burn on my elbows from ninja roles on the ground..
I'm so hungover that I just wrote up my will because I'm afraid I'm gonna die. I'm leaving you my bong.
Your birthday is now over. Your day in the spotlight has dimmed and now you're as special as everyone else. The world goes back to revolving around me. Good night.
I've been back for one day and I've already given two bjs. Improvement from last year.
Just put me in your contacts as coyote
TRY TO UNDERSTAND I HAVE MAGIC POWERS HOLY FUCKING SHIT
It's not even noon and I've had 3 people call me a savage, one of them said it in reference to the blow job I gave them. So I guess you could say it's going to be a good weekend
Now I have the opportunity to have Chris Pratt or Channing Tatum?!? What a time to be alive.
i'm growling thTa how much i wNn slwwwp.
save me some of whatever you're doing i'll be there in five.
Randomize
