Pat told us he showed us his penis because he's "a nice guy".
You know how my eyes change color? Well I noticed after I hook up with someone my eyes are greener.
Wow, so you're like the Edward Cullen of sluts.
So how was awkward coffee with forgets-your-name?
i just saw a guiness commercial where the guiness was on the verge of spilling the whole time. i was on the edge of my seat scared shitless. im an alcoholic.
Don't forget your talking to the guy who got arrested for throwing beads back at the Mardi Gras floats. You can't deny that's a first, and neither could that cop.
There's an official council for his ex boyfriends. They told me they 'look forward to the day I join them'.
The world isn't going to end because you slept with him!
... that would be easier though.
I'm trying to find candidates for my winter break hook up. I'm going to hold auditions thanksgiving break.
Today needs to die. The mail delivery guy watched me throw up in my yard while taking my chihuahua out in Christmas pajamas at noon. Low point in my life.
i just looked in the mirror i look like i'm about to film a PSA about prostitution
I just ran into the woods like an idiot because ADVENTURE.
He called some chick he used to fuck for cash to get food delivered to cheer me up
Currently watching Zombie Sharks while high. This is why I love Shark Week.
I just woke up on the floor with an empty handle in one hand and a piece of my ceiling in the other. #classy
Access to a Target is paramount to my general happiness and self-worth.
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