i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
Idk man, it felt like my skin was a suit and I could feel it zipping up my side and up to my mouth. And then my head felt like a ventriloquist dummy's head, with the jaw thing..it was freaky, dude
You think that's a metaphor for anything, champ?
Shut the hell up.
You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
Just witnessed a walk of shame by a guy in a half gorilla suit. It's going to be a good day.
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There's a litter of kittens in my bathtub and beer cans everywhere. I want my apartment key back.
i think i left a case of beer in your dryer
it took me 20 minutes to get her upstairs... she crawled under a car and wouldn't come out.
You and the dog were competed for the water dish
I almost drank vegetable oil. Where were you? I needed you.
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I bought left over pizza from a guy on Craigslist.
Have you ever been so high that you felt like corduroy? I'm at that level.
Road head absolutely translates. That's the beauty of road head... It's so portable!
I'm not saying i'm drunk
But i'm drunk.
Took my nervous poop earlier then expected it's gonna be a good day
i made that whipped coffee shit today. took six pouches of instant espresso.
please tell me you didn’t consume six shots of espresso
:)
i can feel colors
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