I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
As a matter of fact my bong is named Hulkamania brother
I went to the gynecologist and they said, "you're the most fun person we've ever had," and i thought, "that's exactly why i'm here!"
Just cleaned up my puke with my lecture notes.
So i was told that i peed in the sink, had sex with a pillow and banged on a washer while singing idian chants
I should probably just look up vagina pictures in the anatomy textbook. That always cheers me up.
do you think a sharp knife would stab through a cheese suit?
I know more about this girls vagina than I know about her personality
Probably TMI here but I just rubbed one out while listening to thunderstruck, almost ripped my dick off.
Then, right before he came he said "I want to buy you so many things!" What the fuck?!
He's the first man I've met that knows more about Harry Potter than I do. He shops at Goodwill and has a Game of Thrones cookbook in his apartment. This is my soulmate.
My doctor wrote down abstinence as my form of birth control. #ihavenodatinglife
He literally lured me in the house with his cat then we ended up fucking on the living room couch while the cat just sat there and watched
He was wearing a diaper to the party. I've never felt like such a creep in my life.
I'm sitting in the hospital with him while he's still half drunk with a busted leg because he thought he could do parkour off a rock
Randomize
