Youre a pretentious asshole and im not sure who you think you are. Get the hell over yourself and the self righteous culture snob image because its pretty obnoxious.
hey, what are you doing tonight?
sleeping, g'night!
but i wanted to see you :(
sleeping! g'night!(801): i miss you!
stop - you have a right hand - use it!
So I answered the door in my underwear expecting my boyfriend. Instead I opened the door to Mormon missionaries. Do you think that was a sign from God?
If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
why would she cut her hair? she needs all the distractions possible from those texas-sized gums and horse teeth.
tell me how a rose bowl party involves waking up to find a raccoon in my kitchen cabinet eating my oreos the next morning?
I just got cut off for correcting the bartender's grammar. I should have never accepted that fucking editors position.
He measures volume by how much weed he can put in it and surface area by how many people can have sex in it.
i just remembered last night waiting for you to pick me up wearing my bra on my head to protect me from the rain
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Spotted: woman loading franzia into a toddler-sized shopping cart for her child to push. Beautiful.
I knew things were bad when I walked in on you feeding juice to your iPhone
I remember saying your puke looked like a jellyfish and you got very offended.
STDs are my biggest fear, besides whales. They're so fucking big.
Hey, I shot that toilet dead center, drunk, from at least 6 ft away. I'm a fuckin awesome shot. You guys were completely safe.
Yes, that toilet won't be hurting anyone anymore.... Hahaha
We're going to brunch on Super Bowl Sunday. I am not a smart man.
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