i bet jesus would rush if he went to usc
i just made my mom cry by blowing spit bubbles.
I could see myself reflected in his wedding band as i was going down on him.
I have a broken liver
I see that the whole "let's take a break from drinking" has worked out really well for us.
He leaned over in the middle of the movie and said "My dick's name is Juan". WHO DOES THAT?
Mother fucker, I knew it was bad when you tried making out with my car window
Every now and then I'll meet one who is talented in the art of shower gymnast.
Do drug dealers work on Memorial Day?
Pretty good. They took the stitches out but it still hurts like a bitch. The doctor says I should be off crutches by next week.
Well, that's good. Let's hope drunk you doesn't sabotage you.
Bjs and tacos. That's my life.
She was way too drunk so I dropped her off at her house and smoked a huge blunt with her mom.
He brought me Plan B in the snowstorm.
A+ 👏🏼
That song just makes me wanna take off my top and shake my titties all around the club.
I'd rather plunge my eyes out than acknowledge being related to either of my brothers
That's the 3rd negative pregnancy test this month. I'm on a roll.
Randomize
