my 12 year old sister just told me how admirable it was that i felt comfortable going out with my friends dressed "like that"
everyone contributed. i held her hair back, he rubbed my vag... it was a team effort.
totally worth getting kicked out for trying to throw my drink on lindsay lohans ankle bracelet.
remember that guy i blew in a bathroom in barcelona, i just blew him again in rome. lightning does strike twice.
I was high fiving everyone. I even high fived with the wall for doing such a good job suporting the ceiling and keeping us alive.
I swear god is testing me by giving me awesome guys with tiny penises
If you're not peeing in public bi-monthly, you're not really living.
Do you have any pictures of me mounting animals that aren't on Facebook?
He drunkenly stumbled over to me and told me my "crotch looks spectacular tonight"..... i think this could work
I think the "tmi" ship sailed a long time ago, and it took our dignities with it..
The bald guy bought me a shot so I chugged it and then walked out to the middle of the dance floor and told an old woman that might be your moms twin to bend it over...We didn't end on a good note though. Dude she stepped on my vans.
My brother and I have had one conversation in the past like 3 weeks and it was about what it would be like as a sentient butt plug
I just peed on a rich man's lawn fuck yeah America
Do you remember telling our cab driver you were going to fuck a penguin?
He fired me, I fucked his wife, we're even I think...
Randomize
