Something clean will definitely be barfed on tomorrow.
you better believe me or I'll punch you in the face
you should have heard her the other night. no sentence related to one preceding it. it was like she was in etch a sketch and when she moved she forgot everythin
Drunk on an escalator. I fell like 15 flights of stairs without actually moving more than 5 feet.
Just transferred the sun chips from that obnoxious Eco-friendly bag into a zip lock. Fuck the environment, that bag is loud.
He literally just walked in some random persons house and walked right to they're pantry. Then five minutes later he walks out with pop-tarts, mac and cheese, and captain morgan. We need to chill with this kid more often.
Hey, hey, hey, hey. This is a hurriCAN.
i introduced myself to everyone by my new name, thundergooch. i threatened the neighbors with a hammer when they used my real name. needless to say, sailor jerry was not kind to me.
you're right. i am beautiful. like a May day. frolicking in a meadow of wildflowers. platinum in one hand. pipe in the other. that kind of beautiful.
so i ran into nick. i may be more gay than anticipated
What happened to fro yo and sex?
I might as well walk around wearing a sandwich board and accept the fact that I'm dying single.
How do u explain to your grandma that your relationship status is hooking up with randoms at a bar
- I'm finally learning to be functional when I'm high. I feel like this is a milestone.
Just because I know you’ll get a kick out of this, I sneezed earlier and cupcake frosting came out
Randomize
