I wannas sexs uuuuu
Yeah I'm pretty sure at one point I was telling her to keep her dick in her pants. She was going to do some serious damage.
I'm at the laundry mat. This guy is here showing me his ankle monitor. The weird ones always find me.
i was so blacked out at my family party.. my mom gave markers to all my little cousins. i was tagged by 5 year olds.
His sombrero wouldn't fit in the car and I had to buy him some Jack to make him stop bitching. You owe me
Is "when in doubt date the guy with the bigger dick" a good philosophy?
That freshman guy that keeps trying to hook up with me just saved someone's life ... Should I reconsider?
I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
Good news. That bum you thought that died is alive.
The bottle of Wild Turkey is empty and there is a pile of wet cement in the garage. What happened?
She came out of my bathroom wearing nothing but high top Converse, a leather jacket and a tongue stud. I love rock bars.
I think the only option is to smoke so much weed I just pass out for 3 days.
Just checked out of walmart with a 30 pack of Budlight and a wiffle bat. Hello, Monday night.
woke up between a girl's legs. make your own conclusion.
Okay she just told me to turn the volume down on the fan. What does this even mean?
Randomize
