i'm sending her a home depot gift card for the hole i put in her wall. call it good?
I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
he just fed my chickens on farmville...i guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex<3
hey I'm just gonna fall asleep in the bathroom at the library call me when you're done with class
It was unlikely that the relationship was going to end with anything other than antibiotics.
found a naked boy completely buried under a pile of her clothes and terrified...she says she was "saving him for later"
he just made me do "this little piggy" to his toes.
Uh yeah. I ate a brick of cheese. Didn't even cut it. We were admiring the teeth marks I was leaving. We decided it was the negative of my mouth
Hey to make you feel better about last night, I just shit my pants.
WHY DID I INFORM THE ENTIRE BATHROOM I DONT HAVE AN STD?!?!?!!
apparently I stole your wolf lighter. probably bc you made me howl while you puked over your deck railing.
He gives me the same feeling I get when someone puts a margarita or German chocolate cake in front of me
Also I like oatmeal more than sex.
Definitely went to court without a bra and panties because Mr. LastNight’s dog stole them. I guarantee you I was the only lawyer going commando in court
I don't wanna be 33 that's when Jesus died
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