i just sent this text using only my big toe
Just found out I have to work new year's eve. It's like one final 'fuck you' from 2009.
my life is about to be the like the hunger games except with penises. and im going to win.
If he can forgive your lousy blowjobs, you can ignore his terrible driving.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hello Officers/Paramedics, judging by last night, my friend is dead. The money in his pockets is mine, he owed me. Please send me directions to whichever morgue/strip club for pick up.
Logically he should not be walking around...after that fall he should be in a hospital in a medically induced coma
also Jesus you really need to change your diet. I just washed your baby gravy out of my hair and it's so acidic my hair is damaged. You have killer sperm
THE EAGLE HAS MY PANTIES. I REPEAT. THE FUCKING MASCOT HAS MY PANTIES.
HOLY SHIT. You're my hero.
I sense lesbianism
That's a weird power
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My joke about liking my coffee like I like my men IS ABOUT TO COME TRUE.
I want your cock. I also want to cuddle you and tell you how amazing you are, because you know balance.
After all this I still can't spell gonorrhoea without autocorrect
I was trying to sext but got a notification that my dad and professor both commented on my Facebook photo. Bad timing.
You might see me up a tree with a deranged look in my eye , just walk away at that point
Sorry I missed your birthday party. I caught a dick and rode it to O-Town
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