Apparently I'm the guy that didn't get the memo that Afliction and wifebeaters were the proper attire for tonight... so I'll just sit here alone in my sweatervest and be judged.
we made malted milkshakes. malt as in malt liqour.
He yelled out my full name in bed...I felt like I was being scolded.
He just came into the room wearing nothing but a Speed Racer helmet. I think he just invented a fetish.
All I remember from last night is petting the broom with my feet and feeling like I was standing on a horses head
Question: would asking the hot guy from the grocery store to "beer me" his number be a poor decision?
He just took a bite of each taco bell burrito and hid them throughout my apartment. this was 2 weeks ago and have found 30 burritos so far
And when I feel bad about myself I go to the library and suck my pen over an open book, counting the seconds until a guy sits across from me and tries to get my attention
World Cup Drinking Game: Take a shot every time they call a foul for something we don't understand. Gotta risk it to get the biscuit.
I asked him to help me break in the space ship aka my bed.
HE PUT A HOLE. IN. MY. HOUSE!!!
It's just really funny to hear them talk about March for Life when literally every single one of those girls has had an abortion
you had her IN YOUR BED NO PANTS AND YOU GAVE HER THW BOOT?!?!?!
Stage five clinger bro. had to go.
I got dominos and had to stop whilst eating and take a moment of silence for how good it was
You’ll (maybe) appreciate that I picked at my ingrown hair again. Quarantine updates are getting BLEAK.
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