things it involved: vodka, boy parts, possible photos of me on a cell phone. things it did NOT involve last night: my bra, his pants, and sobriety.
I woke up this morning and thought "Im sure I've seen this house in a porno" and instantly googlemapped myself
I wish facebook had a fuck off button.
He made me a period mix..should I back out now?
Being the only sober one.. I had to feed you guys doritos. You kept licking my fingers.
Drank a fosters this weekend and last weekend. Listening to down under 5 times a day. Spent 100 dollars on a sleeveless men at work shirt circa 1983. We don't leave for another 5 weeks. I call it pregaming.
You know you're hung-over when you're smoking and have the strong urge to eat the cigarette. No more buckets of gin. No. More. Ever.
That is was cool to fuck the single mother accross the street until every girl i bring home gets the car keyed.
like stop just cause your whole life has been one enormous reject pile does not mean that i have to suffer too
Just bumped into my ex. Blowing a dude in the ladies' room at Disney World. I guess it really was her not me.
He called me in the middle of the night to ask my shoe size. Apparently big feet would make me an unsatisfactory third for the threesome.
I'll call you on my way home
Oh my god I'm going to die between now and then... can you at least tell me if y'all hooked up???
You're lucky I'm holding your vagina in my best interests
What do you mean relationship? He paid for my tires and I gave him a blow job.
If I don’t find a quality dick soon I’m going to beg the neighbor for another threesome with her and her husband. It’s like Covid killed all the quality penis Vegas normally has
Randomize
