forecast for tonight- shitshow with a chance of tbell
my version of bright and sunny.
new low.... made out with someone while peeing
Do you think flip cup during wine tasting is a bad idea? They're perfect flipping cups...
Your mom just threw up on me. Please come home.
If you would give me the chance we might have the two separate pieces of the greatest fuck puzzle ever.
He cheated on me in real life. I can cheat at words with friends.
Lesson learnt. Sex toy cleaning spray is not an acceptable substitute to clean your glasses with.
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
YOUR TITS WERE ON THE TABLE.
On the plus side I'm getting really good at painting the inside of a toilet with my bowels.
answer my text you professional douchebag
and i mean that in the cutest, flirtiest way possible
The girl I was Skype sexing just asked for a moment of silence for robin Williams.
She walked into the kitchen, said 'we've come to this time of the party,' reached into the bowl of cold spaghetti and shoved a handful in her mouth.
His dick is social distance approved
Social distance approved?
big enough for me to fuck from six feet away
To potentially get me laid, I need you to send me your favorite memes.
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