i feel like when youre not in my profile picture no one knows who i am.
tonight's goal was "most regrettable decision" and you bring wine coolers?
if my spotter knew I was listening to the Wicked soundtrack on my iPod, I wouldn't even be mad if he dropped the barbell on my throat
the girl next to me just texted someone in her phone named Optimus Prime
...i wonder what he did to earn that nickname
you kept yelling at her to "show me your genitals" until the bouncers told us to leave...at which point you showed them YOUR genitals...
please don't ever take me to a strip club again...
just woke up in the hotel with gummi bears all around me and someone took the tv
we took the tv and as for the gummi bears don't eat them you put em in her vagina
Ok so now that we've actually had sex do I get the last name or are u really witness protection status?
THE BIG GAY MAD HATTER IS HERE AND HE HAS DRUGS IN HIS PANTS FOR YOU. COME DOWNSTAIRS BITCHEZZZZ
We waved. But it was a "let's hook up" wave.
After the Jell-o shots and about 6 shots of lighter fluid brand tequila, it got to the point where breathing was painful. All I could do was pray I didn't fall asleep in the front yard.
Dude I should have just gone home with the guy with dreads and the cat
Walking my dog and eating a taco in last night's dress.. Classy
NO FUCKING RANDOMS IN AN ALLEY
She was riding me and giving me score updates to the basketball game at the same time..... Shes a keeper
Here's the "to do" list i just found on my phone: buy stripper pole, make sex playlist, buy febreeze
Randomize
