Well my dea agent brother is visiting so I'm gonna get high and see if he notices
All of our toilets in my house are broken. Thank God I've practiced peeing in the sink enough.
The girl beside me at the laundromat is bitching a guy out on the phone for jizzing on her bedspread. She had to use a triple machine to wash it.
Definitely just puked in this corn maze. Families are staring.
So are you still down for me to come stay with you and just have sex on vicodin all weekend?
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I don't have patience to seek someone out and try to decipher whether or not I think I'd want to actually have their dick in my face.
I hit a child with a fudge sickle from a moving vehicle after he flipped me off, I feel like a God. Tell no one. My partner didn't see it.
I think the last straw was when you put on ice skates to go across the waxed wooden floor.
This snow needs to melt so I can get wasted on someones front lawn
Hey. Im sorry to bother you but I just watched the seinfield episode about faking an orgasm and it caused me to second guess myself. Were you satisfied?
Had to lock my cat in the bathroom so I could masturbate in peace.
You're an adult now and it's your vagina. You should do what it or you wants.
Dude, I need a fuckin wingman and this could finally make us eskimo brothers, how can you pass that up?
It was like a single vaginal boat in a sea of one eyed monsters
I'm cuddly bitch. Deal with it.
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