Pappa wants mamma naked
I just ate an adderall and jelly sandwich in front of my mom. Homework time!
she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
she said "feliz nobby job" then proceeded to give me a blowjob.
I wish real life had facebook tags so i could figure out who all these people are
then we talked for a little and he asked my last name which since I have yet to get a fb request I'm 95% sure its for a restraining order
he just called me skinny, hes either trying to get laid, or i'm going to have to marry this man
I walked in and she was kneeling on the ground with no pants on, throwing up, and holding the puppy. It was one of those moments, where i was like damn i wish i had my camera.
I really need to stop drunk texting. My one night stand just agreed to go roller skating.
I'm being responsible and going as a gay, slutty Mormon missionary. It's responsible because I'll have a bike helmet on for when I fall over because I'm too shitfaced to stand upright. It's safer than Count Fagula. I just need to come up with a line equal or greater than "Blaaaa I want to suck your dick"
I was out with the drag queens until 7am. This is the hangover I needed to kick my ass back to sobriety. Dear Virgin Mary, fuck my life.
Jail is not for me. They portion control your meals and I don't really like that.
She stopped laughing and kind of stared at the wall for a while. Then she did 3 somersaults and said she saw jesus. This weed is fucking fantastic.
is 250 jello shots considered an open container?
The guy like flippppped out and made me pay $15 for a car wash. I thought I was being extremely courteous by making sure to puke outside the window
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