oh but the power of the cock will take you to places you never been..i flew to hawaii once to sleep witha chick
I'm walking home wearing Kermit the frog footie pajamas, carrying a monogrammed shot glass set with my name on it. It's fucking Christmas!
I AM NOT THE MAN IN THIS RELATIONSHIP.
It's shit like this that makes people think we're gay.
I'm covered in European cum. How's your day going?
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So immediately after we finished having sex she started singing, "The Circle of Life", put her clothes on and then just left. I think I'm in love.
It's like a harem of immaturity and bad ideas...and that's coming from me
I told him that I wanted his dick like I wanted a jumbo hot dog. There something wrong with my priorities
"Yeah because the first thing I think of when I hear the word college is tear gas."
I woke up naked in this guys bed and the first thing I start saying is it's super bowl Sunday like I was yelling
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Only you could make a reflective vest look even remotely sexy
I mean we don't talk anymore but I still see him around wearing that sweater he stole from me after we had sex
There is a time and place for BDSM, in-between disney sing-alongs is not one of them.
His beard looks like it smells like beer, cocaine and old pussy juice
who gets drunk at chipotle by noon and then gets kicked out? this chick.
Listen, I love you but you cannot refer to your dick as the holy sister anymore
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