The shirt is mine, the pants are mine, the bra not so much
Her dad smelled like someone lit a fart and burned their ass hairs.
Are you seriously gonna shit with that life vest on?
That's like rubbing a penis in my face and not giving it to me.
it's like doing a sit-up... but, you're inside someone
found glitter on my cock. thank you for bringing me to that dance recital.
So fucked up. Can't tell if I'm starving or about to puke. Playing it safe and eating froot loops. Tasty in, colorful out.
I thought stuff was gonna go really bad after he filled the super-soaker with kerosene. but it all turned out pretty well.
He told me since I'm into organics I should know his meat is known locally for its quality and hes hand raised it since age 13.
Alright, who started the "how long till dereck gets deported from Australia" pool? I want in on that.
How was my weekend? I just blew my nose and a gram of coke fell out. My weekend was fantastic.
If you're staying here tonight, you need to promise me you won't make another bonfire in the lounge room. My girl is still pissed about that.
I'm using my ex bfs phone number to look up his Kroger card so I can get a discount on condoms...yep this is my life
It was big, black, and had a smiley face tattooed on it. It was the perfect penis.
Ok I'm drunk as fuck already at 529 and this waitress started flirting with me, I wanna bang her for acknowledging my existence
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