um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
frankly if you're gonna get kicked out of your place, hooking up with your gay roommate's boyfriend would be the most entertaining way to do it.
He fell asleep and they duct taped him to the floor. He's pissed.
Just heard an advertisement for 40 proof chocolate milk. We may never have to grow up
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I got to find out the airplane alcohol limit, and somehow I made it through the flight.
I saved him as teletubby in my phone....that can't be a good sign. I'm not answering.
It was like coming out my mothers vagina again in slow motion
Whiskey chased with ice cubes? Here's a big FUCK THAT to that
Your vagina felt like having sex with thanksgiving mashed potatoes. The best kind of mashed potatoes
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You are the ghost of drunk bitches past, present, and future.
I'm still, like... really stoked about not having any STDs
Desperate times call for desperate measures. But he promised me no small talk so that was nice
On a unprofessional note, there's a new girl in photo.
That wasn't unprofessional. The fact that I'm going to fuck her is unprofessional.
Thanks to a bad fart decision during a production meeting, I am now on my way to Target to buy new pants. How is your day?
When we got into his bed, his damn parrot started making sex noises in the other room
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