New invention idea: vibrating tampons
Planet Earth isn't gonna get stoned and watch itself.
i saw like six of her guido cousins in the jersey shore trailer alone. her family is having a dinner party for the premiere tonight.
he peed everywhere. it's like having a puppy.
I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
My head weighs 7 pounds. i know this because i spent the majority of the night passed out in the bathroom, using the scale as a pillow.
Just realized I have to keep sleeping with him... those scars from drunk sex on the 4th of July are still on my back and lord knows I'm not about to explain that to another guy.
Our halfway to Halloween party needs to never happen again. There were waaayy too many wasted cartoon characters passed out in my living room this morning...
I was stumbling so much, men walking behind us were shouting "don't hit the pole! don't hit the pole!" whenever I was near a telephone pole.
You got the whole drunk bus to sing, "In The Jungle" while conducting with your glowsticks.
The dick pic bandit just sent me a poem about showering..
It doesn't count as "finding the lesbian" if you fuck a straight girl!
Good rule of thumb: only list personal references with whom you have hallucinated
I begin to question your sobriety when you both left here shirtless, with beers in one hand and shotguns in the other
so on the street and some kid is chanting "cheeseburger, cheeseburger, cheeseburger!" while pumping his fist in the air. i agree.
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