Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
it's just weird having a massive boner in the morning when you could have used it the night before.
alright got my week's quota of sex in, ready for modern warfare 2
there's no such thing as luck on your birthday, only drunken invincibility, make it happen
I'm making a contract of things you're not allowed to put in my ass
they arrested me when i was peaking, i'm pretty sure they were specifically looking for me but i was too busy rolling around, loving the grass to notice the police car..
If I go there, please come with. It will accelerate the lesbian rumor but be totally worth it.
Don't worry we will all be making bad decisions soon
That's the most comforting thing I've heard in months
I just had to remind myself that I'm visible in real life. Sitting in the car in a parking lot, and almost took my shirt off because the tag is itchy and I wanted it off... and you know I don't wear bras...
Jk probs not coming. Tequila
In your alcohol circus, can my act be juggling men? Let's be real, I can juggle multiple dick buddies better than a professional
Um, when I went down on you it got stuck there. Still had gum in my mouth. Didn't exactly have use of my hands to assist
Swear on my life the dude next to us just ordered a pizza and I will fight to the death for a slice
i forgot how loud opening a beer is in a house where your not allowed to drink
when I finally convinced you to get off the floor you looked at me wild-eyed and said "the carpet was a VAST EXPANSE OF SEA"
Randomize
