I've been at work for less than an hour and have pooped twice already. That's what happens when you start sleeping with your roommate and don't want to use the bathroom at home anymore.
Slut skills are useful in every country.
You realize we can hear you jacking off in your room, right?
I like it rough
So how many shot glasses of coffee grounds make a pot?
Crumbling up chips, putting them in salsa, eating with spoon. New level of stoner fatassery. Its so genius/delicous i'm not even ashamed
hes supposed to be my fuck buddy. im not supposed to see him on his knees praying by my bed when i walk into my room.
Technically he's married but he says it's "not like that" even tho his wife lives with him. Not sure if I believe him but I'm sleeping with him anyway.
he tried to give me his business card but gave me his health insurance card then realized it and offered to take me to the strip club
I found a blow up pig at an adult store. He will have to fuck that on video if he wants anal. Also, I bought a pair of clear high heels. Tell your brother I love him.
He is a sweet angel sent from dick heaven!
He left a full handprint on my ass. He called it a "five-star review."
You make any dick jokes involving sushi and there WILL be consequences.
Sushi is fucking sacred in this house and I will kill you if you try and taint that.
I think I may be going on too many job interviews. I've started to bring up Shonda Rhimes in my interview answers.
Getting high with your mom, but thinking of you!
It's sunday night and I just went to the store to buy cookie dough and condoms, I'm so proud of myself.
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