when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
i found a twelve pack under my bed. and a six pack in my closet. I'm like a fucking alcoholic squirrel.
We need a plan...
Find random men. Use them as sexual objects. There's our plan.
MY DOG FOUND A BAG OF COKE ON THE SIDE OF THE ROAD!!!!!!!!!!!
AND ITS GOOD STUFF TOO!!!!!! AHHH!!!!!!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
"Whiskey Cheerios" was a terribly great idea.
I look like a herd of wild horses chewed on my back. If you bite me again while taking me from behind, I'm going to have to cut you off.
i think the penis that was inside of me changed my life
At the party. I feel like I just walked into a lifesize blunt.
When you get home there will be live fish in the bathtub. I did not put live fish in the bathtub.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You were sitting in the middle of the floor spewing vodka at people proclaiming "I a whale". That drunk.
Also was told that I was her "third favourite booty call" - I'm taking this a good thing right?
It's a podium place so yeah...
we're in NC now and so far we've smoked a blunt in every state with the exception of Tennessee which we accidentally went to
If I could steal your goatee and hide it under my bed to keep your from wearing it, I would.
Listen gotta draw the line somewhere. Apparently that line is at my nuts.
I forget how to act sober
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