I want to bang chis in dee ass burt he be hating on me times two. Me be tryin ti love onu
Bendover
turns out the guy i was dating because he was a cop was not actually a cop. i learned this as he got arrested by real cops.
On a side note, I now know what a $150 cab ride looks like
I couldn't sleep so I drunk ellipticaled for an hour. Worst. Idea. Ever.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
my heaven will be filled with hot naked men covered in chick-fil-a sauce and me wearing a bib
We opted you as the sacrificial dick tonight. We need our patron cafe. Go make some moves.
1st rule of birth control pills: do not stop taking birth control pills. 2nd rule of birth control pills: do NOT STOP taking birth control pills.
The night went downhill when he lit her purse on fire and tried putting it out with vodka
next time we make out at a concert please try to refrain from screaming out our hotel room number.. the amount of guys that knocked on our door after you passed out was ridiculous
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
HOW DO YOU FORGET TO FINISH WINE
STOP TRYING TO FUCK MY DAD
THE HOT GUY IS YOUR DAD?!?!?!?!???
Drink. Fuck. Waffle House. Repeat.
I'm going to preface tonight by saying that I'm sorry for tequila, shopping carts, and having to chase me.
So, just how hungover are you?
Not at all, surprisingly.
That has to be your X-Men power.
Not only did I sleep with the guy but I think I may have called my work and quit to go work for him.
Randomize