we lost you for like an hour and then found you at some dive bar trying to teach dance lessons
She said her first boyfreind was so small she is still technically a virgin.
After throwing up in a tequila bottle on my nightstand (still not sure how she did that) she asked if she could slip into something more comfortable.
You know it's a good party when even the dealers were too fucked up. Just found and counted 140 E pills I found in a bag in the couch. Just paid for weed this month.
Hypothetically going to the gym on coke was a good idea
Do you think drinking vodka, rum and sourpuss out of a water bottle, in a class that isn't even mine rude?
gorilla chasing a banana on crotch rockets. Halloween is getting way too real
How long can I keep it classy to hook up in my old office building? Two more years? Does it get weird after 30?
and i do believe that will be the last time you send me a photograph of our mother in her underwear.
you said, 'he held out his hand, that means we don't have to pay' about the taxi driver, and then asked the doorman what happened to your pants...
Call me and get me out of this conversation NOW. My coworker is talking to me about her birds having sex again...
I wore a shirt that says "more tequila" to my bday party last year and that's why I want to be my own friend
he never texted me back from last night. i think brining out the suction cup dildo was a mistake
Why do pants feel so unnatural once you enter your own house
Hate my fucking roommates.... Seriously, who the FUCK peels potatoes in the bathroom sink?!
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