Watching Miami Social reminded me of how much I miss snorting coke with burger king straws in a life guard hut on the beach until we noticed someone was drowning.
Did you save them?
Who?
how ive managed to spend 100$ at an open bar is beyond me.
he clicked a button a stirrups came down from the ceiling... if I don't come home by sunday, report me.
for a minute I thought I needed to put on pants to go get a burrito, but then I remembered I'm in college
I'm going to come in a little later this morning....there's no heterosexual way to say this....$1 flip flop sale at old navy
I couldn't tell if those girls from the bar were lesbians or just awesome
Yeah he gave the rest of the brownies to the bouncer that took his fake
You had your shirt off checking IDs at the door and you don't even work there
Well his arms broken so they only cuffed his good wrist to his belt. That's how he cast smacked me in custody.
In the future, could you not call me 'bro' while we're having sex?
I've done dumber things than this for flimsier reasons. Come with. If I pull it off I need a witness, and if I fail I need an escape plan.
I think it's your fault my nipples aren't sensitive anymore.
When I walked out of the bathroom and you were literally dancing, you looked at me and said 'this is how I dance'. And then continued.
I shaved my asshole for this. That's real dedication.
I'm, like, this 🤏🏼 close to buying crocs
And you're also 🤏🏼 to never putting your dick inside me again
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