Why are there hot girls at the dollar store?
The recession has changed everything man.
I'm going to rape someone's good day.
I walked into my house this morning to find an 18 pack on the counter. I think that's gods way of ringing the bell for round two.
You tend to look at life differently when you wake up to nutella vomit all over your room with no recollection of how it got there
You know how to spell recollection?
As im putting my laundry in the machine, i find a solo cup and a pong ball that i signed babe ruth
Its like I was sleeping with a kid. His gum fell into my hair while sleeping and he just wanted to cuddle.
Well if my looks don't work with her I'll eat the 50 nuggets to impress her fat roommate.
So. How about you can get tequila certified...
It was like inception, a dream, in a dream, in the back of a dodge charger.
"Friendship bread", "how to get period stains out of cement", and "elephant bereavement" are all in my recent google history. Whatever shit that was last night really did me in...
I was wearing the shirt my little sister got for her birthday when the condom broke. I finally have it back to her and told her it was bad luck
it's taken me 3 hours to eat this pudding cup. I think I am melting.
DOGS JUST TOTALLY ATE THE FEATHERS OFF MY NIPPLE CLAMPS!!!
I made him leave to get me chicken nuggets so I could have sex with his roommate
You like that 95% of the time I masterbate I think bout you?
Just wanna know what I can I do to earn the other 5%
Randomize
