Hows this for an invention: a toilet that weighs your poop
I'm getting very good at recycling my hook ups. So even though i'm having more sex... I'm the same amount of slutty.
Yes! I like to call that picking from the buffet!
I wasted my skinny years on you. The least you can do is high five me at the bar
He got so drunk that he tried hitting on a girl using nothing but his Samuel L. Jackson soundboard application on his Iphone
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The future queen of Norway was pregnant with a druglord's baby when she met the prince. We still have hope.
I booked us a cruise for November. Lose 20 pounds and don't cheat on me before then.
Plotting your own moral demise should not be this fun
She asked me to go inside, make myself a drink and slip into something a little more naked.
Thoughts of banging the girl who just opened my beer with her teeth?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That birthday blow job you ordered came in the mail today. I suggest you hurry home.
Bang-toberfest begins!!
I'm at a bar. It's body paint Wednesday. All of the waitresses are topless. Help me
U can be a future sentaor's wife if you want. I'm happy with "closet lesbian", "tech prof".and "masters degree" all rolled into one. Drunken bar escapades pay off.
I'll come hang out with you guys later, but right now my parents aren't home and I have to take full advantage of being able to watch porn on full blast.
taking shots alone in my kitchen before I go learn to give a lapdance. when did this become my life?
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