That's what you get for not wearing a bra and jumping on a trampoline
The house is trashed, there is porn scattered everywhere like an easter egg hunt and the blow up doll is sleeping on the couch downstairs. someone covered her up.
ok... i just had to be reminded that people in animal costumes were feeding me shots at the bar.
Call me next time you want to get irresponsibly drunk when we have grown up things to do the next day.
Ill give you a 4 hour blow job if you make my nephew go to bed.
First week back and I made to one class, its gonna be okay after all.
No need to talk. Eventually, he'll either stop coming over, or decide that it's a relationship.
And if not?
...I keep getting free bourbon and great sex with no expectations. You really don't understand that there is no "down side," do you?
One guy got his nose broke and was playing with it. Then another guy was playing beer pong off his horse.
Just told my shrink " this was a year for whoring around"
Im shooting goldshlager and waxing my crotch
I woke up with jello shots in pant pockets so I must've had fun
I swear to go if the response she sends me something along the lines of who the fuck is Mark Hamill I might need to brake up with her.
COCAINE IS GR8
I'm not strong. I'm hormonal, sad, lonely, and trying to get laid via tinder
Family acid trip. They're welcoming me into the family.
What. The. Fuck.
Family acid trip.
Randomize
