I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
Would it be inappropriate to do lines in front of the cable guy?
It's my birthday, I plan on masturbating and boating, maybe even masturbate on the boat.
She came to college a virgin and left on court order. We ruined her.
My pupils are so HUGE you can see into my soul from 2 miles away
The dorm caught on fire so it turned into a 5am pool party
Real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch buck Rodgers in Tuesday.
Jesus Christ you're perfect.
We can talk about your dick in my throat after a decision is made, this is my hair we're talking about. .. shit's important.
You said you were going to start drinking less. Drinking 25 small airplane bottle shots do not count.
I have an important idea to tell you when I'm sober about a cat scratching my nose once and what it taught me. DONT LET ME FORGET.
Your vagina is like Nancy Drew lately.
I'm so happy we share a mutual love of laughing at religion.
Lol, maybe a little bit. I don't know. I don't keep a super keen memory log of dicks honestly.
Ohhhhhh, that night......I need to stop drinking, almost all of my conversations that take place Wed thru Sun after 8:30 are one blurry haze.
She picked a quarter off the floor, kissed it "for luck" and won the $20,000 jackpot. She bought dinner and stayed sober to drive us home. This is a typical example of a visit with my sister.
Randomize
