dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
when i got to my bed there was a handwritten note that said "wash the sheets." sleeping on the couch.
were with a gay guy with a minnesota accent. think about how funny that sounds.
I just realized I used lady gaga lyrics in my research paper on marie antoinette
I just took a shit in a BP station. It seemed appropriate since they are shtting in our ocean.
She got stuck in the front door. She never told me how or why.
hi sober isdnt real. this is a mass rtoomate taext i thing. bye
AMAZING.
It was like the perfect storm of bad decisions.
There is an alarming amount of urine in here.
The guys in the quick check just recognized me as the girl who bought rolling papers and whipped cream. This is the walk of shame on crack.
I have invented a new game to play on campus. It's called "Mormons or Pledges?" It's fantastic.
Is there a hallmark card for "could you please slide the FUCK out of my DMs"....?
Drunk level: ugly crying in the bar upon discovery of sweet tarts and not smarties.
I just told my bowl "sorry" for putting it down, because I thought I hurt its feelings. omg. I'm high.
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
Randomize
