Party's warming up, a tranny just got here...
"auto-tuned camel" is how i'd describe the noises she made
Anyone who says sunshine brings happyness has never woken up with the worst hangover of their life to their window being open and it being a bright shinny day
all ill say about last night is that we tried to stop you. oh and the bus you're on is going to nashville.
I'm blazed about to take my 8am final. Another girl is too. We just looked each other in the eyes. She's my soul sister.
Fuck him for salsa, please. I heard its a good recipe.
Omg! I'm gonna have a heat stroke. I'm going to collect my sweat and drink it for a buzz and hydration purposes
He's a little cute, in a dorky, I-know-for-a-fact-his-cock-is-huge kind of way
The trashcan full of everclear punch caught on fire...you should probably come home now.
Dude, I had no choice. I was defending my genitals.
Last time I was your wingman I had to deal with a girl whose only interest in my body was to clip my toenails. I'm not interested.
I feel like David Hasselhoff when he's drunk eating that cheeseburger and crying. But with cheesecake.
He? As in you personified your dick?
I'm slowly starting to accept that you have to be a sociopath to be attracted to me
All the movies on cable here are either porn or Bollywood. I am never leaving this hotel.
Randomize
