scale of 1-10 how well do I give head
5, but i have never had a 10. best was an 8 so if i grade you on a curve you are a 7. ish.
His dick was so small it sat perched on top of his balls like it was king of his scrotum.
She just told me she blew the waiter in the bathroom. Should I still leave a tip?
i was that girl throwing up in the urinal. it was a dark moment in my life.
it is entirely possible that the police will be knocking on the door in 25 minutes
you can think of my virginity as your little souveneir from our relationship.
Trying to find a reliable dealer on Rockfordmugshots.com. Guy arrested for 15 grams of coke could be him !
You realize those people have been ARRESTED recently. right.
I asked this couple what they would like to drink and they leaned toward me eagerly and asked if we still have THE root beer ... Idk if this is code for please add cocaine to my drink
Please don't place wagers on my sex life unless you are giving me a cut. With my current sluttiness I feel like I deserve 40% for how much money you'll make
We got really stoned and then we fucked. Then he made me a panini.
Oooh, he sounds pretty classy
Actually, not at all. We were stoned so he made me a peanut butter panini. With a Rollo in the middle of it. And he left the panini press on all night. I could have died.
It's the happiest looking penis I've ever seen. It should have a top hat and a spectacle on and soft shoe across the room with a cane. He's a cheery little feller.
We were still up at 6am, taking shots, because thats apparently how he liked to "get the day started".
I can't remember if I puked before or after the shots of absinthe. Or why I thought shots of absinthe was a good idea.
Status: mom bitching about grandma not shutting the fuck up, while not shutting the fuck up. Dear Jesus give me strength or more bourbon.
Really need a jack off emoji
Who do we write to about that?
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