yesterday i saw a blind man guiding himself into a NYC tour bus... and i thought i waste money
I took her to see 2012 then broke up with her, the movie was a metaphor.
i just woke up to 15 people singing a whole new world
Question: Would it be wrong to just fuck both of them and decide who to date one performance of their cocks?
He just helps fat girls get exercise. One walk of shame at a time.
The coffee from our coffee maker just hasn't tasted normal since we made Mac n cheese in it that one time....
What can I say, we hook up during the holidays.. We're a seasonal couple
I never woulda thought that back in kindergarten playong kickball that'd i'd be 24 getting plastered in front of the white house and winning a kickball championship in a young adult drinking league
I know more about this girls vagina than I know about her personality
Calm the fuck down fatty, you can add creme de menthe to a vanilla shake any time of the year
My room looks so cute. Who wouldn't want to hook up with me in here?
this morning's inventory: a top hat, two empty bottles of everclear, half a slim jim, cigars, tiara, pot necklace, and some fishnets. and that's just my purse.
He woke me up at 6:30 to have sex again and afterwards, he didn't even judge me when I asked him if he wanted some rum. I think I found my soulmate.
the girls would appreciate it if you invited over some drunk, single, straight men with low standards.
Just went to Meijer. Purchased furnace filters, fishing line, red lipstick and pregnancy test. And if my purchase alone wasn't classy enough, I took the pregnancy test in the Meijer bathroom because Im on my way to the bar and wanted to know if that was a good idea or not. Cheers to no babies!
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