I feel like a combination of david goes to the dentist and drunkest guy ever goes for more beer
I can't believe I am actually paying for a night in a hotel for my parents so I can throw a party the night before Christmas Eve. I also can't believe they think it's their Christmas present.
Its not really a relationship, its more of a sex for booze program.
Just checked my phone. Sometime last night I googled sex positions in a tent. Was there even a tent there?
Why did I just get a ziplock baggie labeled "2010" on it from you in the mail?
Just spread butter on my bathrobe. This has been an ace morning.
Betting for two different teams with two different guys is the best. Time to get $100 by one guy and laid by the other!
I woke up with gum stuck to my nipple piercings this morning.. So there's that.
I have a cat for love and a booty call for sex. What else could I need?
At first it will make you think "how is this physically possible?" and then it will ruin an entire food group for you.
I don't think "growing medical marijuana" is Quite what my Grandfather had in mind when he thought me about gardening as a child
I wonder how vigorously I can jack off in a one person tent without being noticed???
I hate being the first one to text him all the time...I feel like Iook desperate to get laid when the reality is that im just really horny and he has a/c...
Watching South Park, doing sit-ups and drinking tequila. In other words, my night is going pretty good.
The streets are paved with hand jobs
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